Save me Donald! I won’t prosecute ya Hillary…..the FBI will!
Somebody apparently fed Trump horse tranquilizers so he became boring, electable and left the cats alone. Hillary’s wiping skills were not good enough to erase Anthony Weiner’s hot dog pics or Trump’s electoral lead. It was the most exciting, crazy controversial wackadoodle election of all times.
A distasteful deeeeelight.
These cats were not mishandled by Trump. They had bumbershoots for protection.
Real masks worn during the plague…..and political commercials.
How about this? A female patient has been left badly burnt after she passed gas during surgery and caused a laser to burst into flames. Jou Luk Ouwet, in her 30s, was undergoing surgery at Tokyo Medical University Hospital which involved a laser being used in lady type surgery.
The fiery explosion left her with mild body burns and the operating staff with no eyebrows. It’s is tragic….but wouldn’t you love to see the expression on the doctors when it all went Kaboom?
Jou Luk could actually export natural gas while singing “I’m a Little Teapot”.
Florida resident Bernie Bagguss, 54, was first arrested one morning on a domestic violence charge for allegedly striking his wife Hagatha during an early morning argument in their home. A police report notes that drugs and alcohol appear to have played a role in the confrontation. It’s a love story.
….you need a nice color selection to be trendy.
Following the arrest, Bagguss was transported to the Largo Medical Center for treatment. Hagatha was stout and could swing a frying pan. She was fine.
While in the emergency room, Bagguss removed his glass eye and then threw it at the ER doctor and ER nurse,” a Largo Police Department officer reported. He was going for a 7-10 split.
Before flinging the glass orb, Bagguss was instructed by hospital personnel and a cop to not take the eye out in the first place. Apparently when people with glass eyes get angry they wanna take the eyeball out and hit somebody with it. Very common.
Nurse Ratchet to Nurse Snoot, “So I stuffed an Spanish olive in his eye socket. He was clueless”.
He ignored those commands and yelled, “I can do whatever I wanna.” So he did.
The airborne eye does not appear to have caused any injuries. However, it landed near Nurse Rachet and looked up her skirt. Ratchet no likey dat!
She immediately kicked it down the hall to pediatrics where children playing marbles in the hall. Too bad for Mr Bagguss…..little Timothy Hunsberger 5, was playing for keeps.
Finder’s keepers, loser’s weepers. Mr Bagguss can be a pirate next Halloween. Aaaaargh matey!
…..but a sailor is not a pirate!
Glamour’s annual Women of the Year list always covers a lot of iconic world women, from fashion leaders to athletes to normal and whacko activists to business leaders. Not to be outdone by ESPN naming a woman with exterior plumbing intact (Bruce Caitlyn Jenner) as their woman of the year, Glamour Magazine named U2’s Bono to their list of woman of the year.
Not to be outdone, Cosmo has named Wilbert Gleeble “Hot Bearded Babe of the Century”.
“We’ve talked for years about whether to honor a man at Women of the Year and we’ve always kind of put the kabash on it. You know, men get a lot of awards and aren’t exactly hurting in the celebration and honors department,” said Robert Elizabeth Groner, Glamour’s chedditer in cheese.
“But now that men are women and women are men and you can use any public bathroom or shower you want, we just decided who cares about DNA and gender. Let’s do whatever is trendy and makes zero sense!”
Julia Pastrana. Four foot six. A real lady and a fascinating story. Look it up!
Bono does many great things for charity, but he was recognized as a female leader because he wore a shirt promoting feminism. Good thing he didn’t wear a shirt promoting hunting.
The Hydo-Lux Pulsatronic lung evacuator for allergies.
Energy drinks are often combined with alcohol in mixed drinks, and a new study in mice hints at how that combination may change the brain. It’s all the rage with young party people.
Ache and fever.
In the study, mice that were given energy drinks along with alcohol had changes in their brains similar to those seen in mice given cocaine. I know….how do mice act on cocaine? Talk fast? Stay up all night? Lose weight? Become a Hollywood star? I dunno.
No wonder millennials need safe place. Remember when butter was bad for you? Ahhhh, the good old days……
The final remnant of Obamacare…..Get well or we”ll come back!
If you happen to find yourself in Sydney Australia, you have the unique opportunity to have ummmm, make ummmm sweet love with Mother Earth. You just need to stop by the “ecosexual bathhouse,” which is currently part of the Syndey LiveWorks Festival of experimental art. My head exploded too.
Look it up. Very strange.
That’s Earth not Goose kiddos! Honk if you’re happy!
The bathhouse is an interactive installation created by artists Loren Kronemyer and Ian Sinclair, who described the work to me as a “no-holds-barred extravaganza meant to dissolve the barriers between species as we descend into oblivion” as the result of our global environmental crisis. Note to these guys….. dirt is not a species. They say it is……..
They claim it’s gathering momentum worldwide. Like a cow patty rolling downhill.
Jennifer Mudd, a PhD candidate in sociology at the University of Nevada, Las Vegas, says the number of people who identify as ecosexuals has increased markedly in the past two years. And Google search data confirms that interest in the term has spiked dramatically over the past year.
Well, pretty and artsy does help……but it’s still bizarre.
We may look back on 2016 as the year ecosexuality hit the mainstream. Wait….it only gets weirder.
Amanda Huggin-Kiss, a faculty member at the UNLV School of Community Health Sciences, says that ecosexuality could be measured in a sense not unlike the Kinsey Scale.
On one end, it encompasses people who simply try to use sustainable sex products like using solar power instead of batteries. Awkward getting through airport security.
Tarfus Unipoom from Iceland took things too far one day. What can you say?
Or, there are those who simply enjoy skinny dipping and naked hiking. Now that’s not too far out unless you’re hiking through WalMart. But….
On the other hand, there are people who roll around in the dirt and have “that moment” covered in potting soil, she said. And, there are people who make mad love to trees, shrubs, flowers or a bush. But not a George W….. that Bush would be too odd.
Antonio’s mother prepared him for everything…..he still lives at home.
Well, the cast of the musical Hamilton (where actors pretend our founding fathers were culturally diverse) joined the snowflakes and paid election protesters in declaring Trump and Pence unsuitable for America! How very brave. Elections have no meaning.
Don’t vote, protest, wet the bed. The new wash, rinse, repeat.
He’s spinning in his grave like bald tires on ice.
Obama thinks it’s wonderful, “March like the wind my sheeple! It’s your right! Just save my legacy”.
Hillary is in a refrigerator box, in her basement (next to her favorite server) with a binkie and an old pair old Huma’s tennis shoes. She wants everybody to move to Canada with the Hollywood loonies!
Protesters marching because they lost are just publicly crying because there were no participation trophies for them. They are the unspanked generation. They are also paid protesters. Yes, $10-15 an hour on Craigslist. Transportation included.
I want my waaaaaaay, right now! Waaaaah!
The best gig is if you can travel. $1,000-1,500 a week if you know how to carry a sign…extra, if willing to be a troublemaker. Yes, people are now paid (tax free) to be jerks without interfering with their Welfare checks, unemployment and some baby snowflakes even got out of mumsy’s and dada’s basement for a whole week like weal gwown ups!
Except: 75% of the protesters, rioters and paid cannon fodder in Portlandia (which got out of hand) happened to be non-voters and non-residents. Good for weaklings that that to protest an election they didn’t participate in. Charming.
Not to be outdone, the cast of the musical Hamilton decided to throw their dos pesos in. (That’s all it was worth.) When president elect Mike Pence showed up with his daughter for a fun evening at a musical, even all the Imodium in the world could not hold this spokesperson for the weak, lame and lazy back.
Nothing can prevent them from letting their grievances air. Just unstoppable.
The young man playing Hamilton, a nameless dude (I think his last name is Bag) trying to be relevant decided with the cast of nonwhites (perfectly suitable to portray our founding fathers) to call out our president elect. He did his best to embarrass and confront Pence and his daughter. A true patriot.
Pence has the class to leave while the donkey from Shrek brayed his political point of view. I know. It’s very harsh. And here’s why.
The jerkus americanus pleaded for inclusiveness and understanding because he was peeing his pants in fear that PlayDoh sessions, coloring books and puppy therapy just didn’t help enough he and his fellow cast members. He needed assurances that he could be right about everything and nobody in world could disagree with him and his fellow cast mates. They love and respect everybody that agrees with them. Hate everybody else.
If he’s president I will be eaten alive cuz I’m so tender…….I’m scared mommy.
Well, the little snowflake who raps about racially changed history turns out to be a complete fraud. He and the majority his little fragile cupcake cast didn’t even cast a vote. Yes, children……. opinionated trendsetters who failed to exercise their voting privilege now lecture real citizens on what’s wrong with America. Where’s the Charmin?
As if this insult to the office of the VP by a non voting racist and sexist wasn’t enough, his anti cop tweets are surfacing. Yes, a true spokesman for the dissatisfied snowflakes. Personally, I am glad a slime ball like that is dissatisfied. It means things are going in the right direction when people like him whine, whimper and wee wee.
Upon further inspection, this gent playing Hamilton appears to be a fraud.
Will this delightfully insightful plea to be noticed and coddled continue for another eight years? Lordy be I hope so. It’s so much easier to succeed in life while these diaper wielding nebbishes retreat to a safe place like Hamilton where George Washington is from Sri Lanka and raps about things only heard at an White Concert family concert. Totally X-rated.
Yes, your pet labradoodle can now get a job……. no……a career ahead of these socially, politically and emotionally challenged bed wetters. Even my chickens lay eggs and contribute something to the world.
So their bum bums don’t chafe.
Nonvoters telling voters how to live their lives to respect their wishies. The unmitigated gall. Worse than gall stones. Cheers!
Side note: The skid mark in lieu of frosting on the cake is that the mouthpiece of these little cuddle bunnies not only failed to vote, but he has threatened white women on Twitter.
His tweets: “St. Patty’s day weekend is like Christmas for black dudes who like white chicks. Happy holidays boys.”
And, “4 every racist comment I get about Trayvon Im going 2 turn 1 white married suburban housewife & mother n2 a jump off”.
And, “The problem is ho’s aren’t what they used to be. If ho game would step up, cats wouldn’t get distracted”.
For those of you that don’t know what he meant by “jump off”, it means casual sex in the least gentle terms with white wives and mothers. And “ho” is not what Santa’s sez…..
People that don’t vote and yet try to stop our democratic processes are just selling snake oil……. And they are snakes.
And he preached from the stage saying he didn’t feel safe. A true sexist……and hypocrite. Lucky for him, he lives in America where pond scum is accepted; even celebrated by many. Doggone lucky.
Soapbox felt good.
Happy Thanksgiving! An American Holiday…..again.
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