A Barrel Full of Monkeys!
A Barrel Full of Monkeys!
Hot off the press!
They are celebrating that Trump missed them!
Senior Prom day and Buddy Bewittle of Menudo MN, needed a date. So he did what any video game lover would do he took a copy of Super Smash Mario Brothers with him…..as a date.
Buddy looked quite young for 18.
It was a decision that happened “in the heat of the moment,” he told a local reporter. It was his first ‘heat of the moment” experience and his first date of eighteen game filled years.
His mother photographed him with the disc in its case. He gave his Mumzie the corsage he bought because his disc was too hard.
He and his disc danced the night away. He held his disc close during the slow songs.
Math teacher Mr Vitale and Art teacher Miss Pemberton jittering!
Bewittle has no regrets and actually had the “the time of his life” at what was his first date. Buddy and his disc……. a love story.
That night he kissed his disc goodnight and happily fell asleep. It was not a floppy disc.
If it’s wrong to dress up as a race, ethnic, or religion group; does this offend poultry?
The Grinch is real and he’s a Marlboro man. He caused a Dr Seuss themed Christmas float to go up in flames because of his smokey treat.
Never trust a hairy pea green man.
The float, a mobile version of Whoville, where Dr Seuss’ characters live, was headed for a parade in Hunstville, Alabama when it burnt down to its axles, thanks to the Grinch driving the car in the float ahead of Whoville.
The Grinch tossed his butt (cigarette type) out the window of his pickup and it landed smack dab on Whoville’s hay bales, which caught fire faster Jill Stein’s recount campaign.
The Whoville float burnt down and only a few elements could be saved. Just like in the movie. Sorta.
The Whoville float was impressive.
But did the float builders just stand around and sing like in the movie? Nope. They started a Go Fund Me page and raised $15,000. They only had $1,000 in the daggone float!
They went out and partied like the Clinton’s until CNN started calling rust belt states for Trump. Then they partied like deplorables……which they were.
Music was supplied by Katrina Concertina.
A Russian built jeep carrying the ashes of Cuban dictator Fidel Castro broke down in the middle of his funeral procession recently, forcing soldiers to push the vehicle. Fitting…..dead jeep, dead dictator.
There was an ash crash too.
Nearly every major news website buried the news. It was symbolic of the Cuban regime’s economic failures and those of socialism in general. Indeed.
After a final farewell at Havana’s Revolutionary Square, the former president’s remains, glass-encased casket, began moving east in a cross-country drive through towns, cities and countryside. Failure under glass.
The global left and the American media have mourned Castro, whose chief achievement was maintaining an iron grip on power for half a century in defiance of opposition from the United States. His brutal human rights abuses and complete economic failures have been downplayed.
The Cuban internet. Donated in 1962 by the City of New York.
I know, he had national healthcare………in rundown facilities……and killed or imprisoned the opposition. Now Cubans have a chance for a better life.
Chimpanzees can spot their friends just as easily from a peek at their rear end as a look at their face. One glance can offer clues to attractiveness and health.
In fact, the team found chimpanzees process rear ends just as efficiently as we process faces. Great study…..right?
“Faces are important for people, and all the features of our faces are optimally arranged to be seen and to communicate,” said Hoodah Keister, a neuropsychologist She studies monkey bums.
They believe this is why female apes have evolved hairless buttocks, and why human faces evolved hairless. Now this is getting good.
Brazilian ax shaving. Painful.
“In the course of evolution, our faces have acquired more contrast: red lips, the whites of our eyes, eyebrows and a smooth skin that makes everything more visible,” she said. Female chimps only have access to berries for (back there) makeup.
Primates’ eyes are good at distinguishing red tints. That’s why not only emotional expressions, such as blushing when we are angry or shy, become more visible, but also sexual arousal.
It explains why the buttocks of female chimpanzees are red and women wear lipstick and blush. If you gave the chimps lipstick, I wonder where they might apply it.
A little makeup changes everything. See how pretty?
Keister said, “It’s not without reason the face and buttocks of female primates that are free of hair, which makes the skin and color all the more visible.”
And chimps wonder just like their human counterparts; “Maybe it’s her, maybe it’s Maybe-lline”.
A man’s dingaling magically moved to his knees after he slept with a married woman, according to a report from Kenya. The man, who has not been named, said his plumbing moved position in the blink of an eye.
Planning a trip?
Some believe that the woman’s husband put a curse on him after discovering the affair. Advice to readers. When a strange man from Kenya asks you to site on his knee; just say “No”.
The internet pics are pixilated. So is my head.
Tens of thousands of Indian asthma-sufferers swallow live sardines filled and smeared with a yellow herbal paste in a ritual that they believe will cure their breathing problems.
Sounds like a frat party!
Mermaid sardines? Shocking!
The Gouda Sheese family that administers the treatment in the southern city of Hyderabad say ancestors received the secret formula from a Hindu saint about 170 years ago. They refuse to reveal the mixture’s ingredients but it’s rumored to taste like KFC.
The fish is sold by the Telangana government and private groups, costing people 15 rupees, or about 7 cents, per fish. But the deductible is two chickens and a goat. It’s like Obamacare……but less fishy.
The family offers the treatment annually on a day chosen by astrologers. Family member Pathini Parinath Gouda Sheese said the treatment starts on a Wednesday morning and will continue for 24 hours. Dat’s lotsa sushi.
Pathini Parinath Gouda Sheese taking a break sardine break.
The herbal paste is slipped into the sardines and then put into the mouth of the asthma-sufferers. Where’s PETA? Force feeding sardines is inhumane.
People who swallow the live herb stuffed fish are told to follow a strict diet for 45 days. They must abstain from prime rib and whale blubber. They can only eat lamb innards, rice, Skittles, moose knuckles, Yak cheese, spinach and clarified butter.
Everybody loses weight, swims and breathes better. But they stink.
But what’s worse than stink head?
The brains of people who feel “God’s spirit” are stimulated in a way similar to the earthlier desires of enjoying drugs, music, gambling and sex, scientists have revealed. Interested?
Feeling the spirit in the 40’s with crepe paper pom poms.
Researchers used MRI scans to look into the brains of Mormons experiencing religious ecstasy. I cannot make this stuff up……Mormons.
Scientists enlisted 19 church-going teenagers to take part in an hour long “exam” with four parts for the study. Church goers. Like final exams?
The scientists recorded their reactions and studied the parts of the brain stimulated. Ready to get shocked?
This included six minutes of rest, six minutes of a video detailing their church’s membership statistics, eight minutes of quotations by Mormon and world religious leaders, eight minutes of reading familiar passages from the Book of Mormon, 12 minutes of church-produced video of family and Biblical scenes and another eight minutes of quotations. Yawning? Nope!
Guess what they found out. Just guess kiddies.
Relax! It’s a government photo.
Sex can have the same impact on the brain as when a religious person feels the “spirit of God”. Now don’t get bent outta shape……it’s what the gray matter does. It’s not saying it’s the same thing.
The brain becomes active when study participants reported having a spiritual experience. It activated the brain’s “reward center”.
Bioengineer Dr Dennis Dreamer, said: “When our study participants were instructed to think about a savior, being with their families for eternity and heavenly rewards, their brains and bodies physically responded.”
A spiritual feeling of closeness to God in oneself is a critically important part of Mormons’ lives and they make decisions based on these feelings. They see them as a confirmation of doctrinal principles and as a means of communication with the divine. Good for them.
The seven women and 12 men, all former missionaries, were shown videos related to their religion – including a clip detailing their church’s membership statistics – and were told to press a button when they ‘felt the Spirit’.
When they pushed the button, their brain responses were recorded using MRI scans and their heart and breathing rates were also recorded. Like your Facebook posts.
Acupuncture at an early stage.
The scans revealed that when the teenagers felt connected to God, an area of their brain called the nucleus accumbens was activated. The accumbens is known as the brain’s “reward center” and it is also activated when people think about love, sex, drugs and gambling.
Hooooooly smoke! Mind blown.
It is assumed that deep spiritual connections are common in religions worldwide. Guess non-believers may be missing out on something. Just saying.
….for when you need to take gas.
The Ukrainian region of Polesia, 200 miles east of the Chernobyl nuclear disaster, has become a goldmine for foragers seeking mushrooms and berries. All of which are contaminated with radiation. A glow in the dark goldmine.
Attractive packaging sells!
In 2015, Ukraine exported 1,300 tons of fresh berries and 17,251 tons of frozen berries to the European market. That is more than 30 times as much as in 2014. The berry picking brings in money for locals as well. A picker can earn $20 to $30 a day, whereas a local schoolteacher earns $80 a month…..non union.
If you eat enough, you will have a foot grow out of your head which is just as bad as a dingaling on your knee.
America….. what have we become?
The caterwauling we’ve been treated to by some since the election has been farcical. My fave is the snowflakes retreat to “safe spaces” with puppies, candy and coloring books to assuage their intense anguish. But we beat that puppy to death…….
Their big justification is Clinton won the “popular vote” so she should win. Dump the outdated Electoral College!
Our Founders created the Electoral College to ensure the states were fairly represented. Otherwise a few densely populated areas speak for the entire nation.
These statistics have been making the rounds on the Internet and it should finally put an end to the argument as to why the Electoral College makes sense. There are 3,141 counties in the United States.
Trump won 3,084 of them.
Clinton won 57.
There are 62 counties in New York State.
Trump won 46 of them.
Clinton won 16.
Clinton won the popular vote by around two million votes.
In the 5 counties that encompass NYC, (Bronx, Brooklyn, Manhattan, Richmond & Queens) Clinton received well over 2 million more votes than Trump. (Clinton only won 4 counties; Trump won one)
Therefore, these 5 counties alone, accounted for Clinton winning the popular vote of the entire country. Let that sink in……
These 5 counties comprise 319 square miles.
The United States is comprised of 3,797,000 square miles.
When you have a country that encompasses almost 4 million square miles of territory, it would be ludicrous to even suggest that the vote of those who inhabit a mere 319 square miles should dictate the outcome of a national election.
Large, densely populated Democrat cities (NYC, Chicago, LA, etc) don’t and shouldn’t speak for the rest of our country. They just don’t.
If you can, think about the House of Representative (based on population) and the Senate, two reps per state. Balance.
That should make sense to either Democrat or Republican. The electoral college is genius.
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