Harrison Ford will dust off his fedora, crack his bullwhip, put on new support hose and knee brace because at the age of 73 he’s about to reprise his role as Indiana Jones for like the 25th time. Jumping Geritol!
Harrison takes this regularly……but does it look like his arm is messed up?
Defying both age and public interest, Disney announced Ford would return to big screens in 2019 – more than 35-years after he was famously chased by a perfectly round runaway boulder. He will now be chased by a runaway shopping cart in the handicap parking area of a Wal-Mart.
He escapes in a souped up Hoveround. Then relaxes with a prune juice fizz in one of those funny bathtubs with a door so you can walk in and sit down. The heated seats are free if you order during the Jerry Springer show.
Who is bursting with excitement? Well, three female residents of the Vague Memories Home in Hoboken NJ just wet their Depends. They have been long time fans. They bought the Tee shirts……and posters.
He is a giant in their minds……armed with a weed sprayer.
Indeed, should the film be released on schedule, Ford will be 77-years-old and Director Steven Spielberg will be 72 at the premiere. They plan on arriving at the red carpet premier in matching gold plated walkers.
I’m making fun of them…..I’ll be like 85 then. Shame on me.
Former Speaker John “Cry me a river” Boehner said Paul Ryan should be the Republican nominee for president if the party fails to choose a candidate on the first ballot. He was sobbing as he said that.
Boehner said everything in life is clearer when you wear your Thinking Hat!
Keep in mind Mr Ryan gave his second “non-campaign” speech recently. It was about how to get along and have a civil dialogue. Easy to believe he’s not running. Politicians always tell the truth.
“If we don’t have a nominee who can win on the first ballot, I’m for none of the above,” Boehner said. “They all had a chance to win. None of them won. So I’m for none of the above. I’m for Paul Ryan to be our nominee.”
As usual, he began crying like Nancy Kerrigan when Tonya Harding popped her knee. “Why me? Why me?”……sobs and screaming follow Boehner is a little strung out sometimes.
Too much bronzer. It affects people differently. Look at Donald Trump…..it makes him mad.
Keep in mind….if Ryan makes a few more speeches like this, bet he’s gonna take a run at it. Betcha.
Personally I’m confused about this whole group of candidates.
I think it’s nurses delivering soy sauce. Your thoughts?
One is under criminal investigation by the FBI for a million thingsand has more skeletons in her closet than a Halloween costume store, there’s a 100 year old Socialist who says everything should be free, a blow hard billionaire that cannot stop stepping in cow patties, a smarmy snake oil salesman with thin lips and beady eyes and a guy named Kasich who has managed to stay consistently boring and completely invisible.
Trump ain’t all my cup of tea, but if Al Sharpton, Rosie O Donnell and Kanye West are gonna leave the country if he gets elected, I am feeling tempted. Oh yeah, does anybody else think it’s funny Bernie isn’t even a Democrat?
A respirator made by a cigarette company. Ironic. Like a politician working in your best interest.
The politics leading up to the conventions is nutzo. Picture this: Bernie somehow beats Hillary again and again. FBI is nipping at her pantsuit. She looks unelectable. Democrats panic.
Bernie cannot have the nomination sayeth the Democratic establishment….he’s not one of them. Give it to old Joe Biden. Make Michelle Obama happy with that choice. Toss Elizabeth Warren on the ticket and have Joe promise to run for one term.
Don’t worry children…..we will be fine.
The establishment would be giddy with that. Happy, happy.
On the GOP side……Trump does not have enough delegates to win on the first ballot. Cruz thinks he got it. Little does he know, nobody likes him. He does not win on the next four or five ballots.
To the rescue rides Romney/Rubio/Ryan/Jebbie or Walker. The GOP establishment is giddy with that.
Yes, things are heating up hotter than an Acorn stove!
You and I as voters have officially become superfluous. Don’t get giddy.
Superfluous does not mean you have super powers. ……it means you have none. Now shut up!
In the wake of the deadly bombing that killed at least 34 people, Brussels officials are probably regretting an advertisement a couple months back making light of the idea the city was a center of Islamic radicalism. They are sweet and foolish there…..
The city leaders blamed an evil fairy named Evilene Mustachio.
VisitBrussels, the city’s tourism department, came up with the #CallBrussels campaign in an effort to pretend there were no links in the city with Islamic terrorists. Even though several locals were linked to the November, 2015, Paris attacks and other extremist plots the city elders thought it was bet to play pretend!
Yes, dear dumb residents…..pay no attention to ones with the funny vests, three backpacks, four pressure cookers and AK-47’s. You see, Islamic terrorists, shooters and bombers living in your city does not mean you have anything to fear…..if you’re a resident. Nada.
VisitBrussels set up telephones across the city and invited people to call them in order to speak with Brussels passersby. It then used these calls to create a video touting Brussels as a peaceful, welcoming city. I have three words: warm, fuzzy, deadly.
The terrorists loved the video. It makes people nice and complacent……like sheep before their slaughter while on tranquilizers.
Like a sheep……or a turkey as well.
Irony is so ironic. Naïveté is so naïve.
The Chicago City Council has rescinded a city sales tax on tampons and sanitary napkins. We can all breathe easy now…… and once a month here after.
These ladies celebrated “No tax tampon Tuesday” by wearing wedding cakes on their heads!
The vote followed a recommendation that was made without opposition by the City Council’s finance committee recently. The items are taxed 10.25 percent in Chicago. The vote will remove Chicago’s portion of that tax, or 1.25 percent.
Supporters say the measure corrects an unfairness to women. Because everything in world has to offend somebody.
Tampons and sanitary napkins are now characterized as medical necessities to be exempted. But then I thought doesn’t this give pre-menopausal women an unfair privilege?
What’s in this for Granny? Where are her monthly savings? And the guys? Oh never mind. Everybody hates men.
The tax on the feminine products has become a national issue, with at least seven states now considering legislation. Also, five women in New York recently filed a lawsuit arguing that the tax is unconstitutional. Bet they are single.
They voted down the same type of proposal for athlete foot spray and medication for jock itch. It’s part of the war on men. Sigh……and scratch.
George and Ben felt snubbed and unloved. They tweeted #itchylivesmatter.
The Virginia General Assembly is considering legislation that would raise the state’s legal age of marriage to 16. Twenty years ago it was 18…..months.
Under current law, Virginians (not virgins) as young as 12 can legally get married if the child is pregnant and has the consent of a parent. The parent must be related to the child but cannot be the groom.
The law no longer requires the bride to bring a smoked ham to the reception. A parasol is still mandatory.
The bill has bipartisan support and has already passed the Virginia Senate. Gov. Terry McAuliffe is expected to sign the bill if, it makes it to his desk. And who wouldn’t think this is good for the state and a prego 12 year old??
“A child who’s 13 and pregnant — it’s rarely the case that the 13-year-old is marrying a 17-year-old,” says Virginia State Sen. Jill Vogel, whose bill sets 16 as the minimum age for marriage. “It’s more often the case that it is a child marrying somebody decades older than they are…… like Jerry Lee Lewis.” If you don’t know the reference, look it up.
Individual judges can block a child marriage if one of the petitioners is not potty trained or cannot ride a tricycle.
Obviously this couple needed help walking down the aisle therefore their license was revoked. Cute couple though.
In the 50’s Ella Fitzgerald was not allowed to play Hollywood’s most popular new club named Mocambo. It was all about race then.
Marilyn Monroe, a big fan of Ella’s called the club’s owner and said if he booked Ms. Fitzgerald, she (Marilyn) would be there every night. Obviously this meant huge press coverage.
Well, he booked Ella and sure enough, Marilyn and all the press was there every night. Ella never played in small clubs after that.
Few people knew how ahead of her time Monroe was. She may not even had known it……
Ella then became popular across racial lines. Curious fact.
Gap Stores recently apologized (groveled) after receiving criticism over an ad for its Ellen DeGeneres kids clothing line that people on social media found racially insensitive. Yes, it’s one of those things again.
The ad featured four members of a young girls group, ages 5 – 14. In the ad, it showed two white girls in acrobatic positions, while a taller white girl rests her elbow on top of a young black girl’s head.
I always thought kids had fun with friends. But touching somebody’s head is now…..well you know.
You can almost sense the hateful righteous privilege of the kid on top. Right?
It’s like the white kid that got attacked for having dreadlocks. His white privilege did not cover the right to wear his hair the way he wanted. Even if it looks like …..well, you know.
Lotta of fill in the blanks here because……well, you know.
Relax…..it’s just a Halloween card!
Recently one evening at Indiana University, students began frantically posting on social media that an alleged KKK member in a white robe, armed with a whip at his side was walking the streets:
iu students be careful, there’s someone walking around in kkk gear with a whip.
— sanchez (@babyynini_)
Yes……the warning came out from Baby Nini Sanchez. Fitting.
Interesting….a streetwalker dressed up as a KKK member with a whip. Years ago, that would bring all the fun people out into the streets. But no, the fun days are gone and now it’s the age of the Jell-O spiners.
This helps them to sit up…..
Instead, all the safe rooms and closets filled up in like 3 minutes. The weaker ones had to be carried…..they were too incapacitated to walk anywhere.
The alert spread terror faster than somebody writing Trump in chalk on their sidewalks or carrying a Bible. Horror of horrors.
These two radicals started a riot at the University of Cal Berkeley….a huge microaggresion thingy!
One of the dorm’s resident advisor’s, Albert Milquetoast was so concerned for his fellow students he sent out this alarming email to residents:
“There has been a person reported walking around campus in a KKK outfit holding a bull whip. Because the person is protected under the First Amendment rights, IUPD cannot remove the person from campus unless an act of violence is committed. Please PLEASE PLEASE be very careful out there tonight, always be with someone and if you have no dire reason to be out of the building, I would recommend staying indoors if you’re alone. If you feel unsafe, please contact me. I’ll be returning shortly to the dorm from the TV radio building.”
Two brave students armed themselves with Holiday tree branches. They told everybody they were not Christians to avoid offending anybody.
Milquetoast’s letter quickly made its way throughout the school, warning all to be on the lookout for the wild vicious whipping racist Klan member. Thank the gods for this incredible emergency notification system. All 48,518 students feared for their lives and rights and other protesty stuff.
But then, after an hour of abject horror, the alleged Klan member was spotted at the Red Mango, a frozen custard shop on campus. He was picking himself up a late night snack. Vicious whip wielding KKK members get hungry too.
He was a priest with a long rosary belt. Oh the humanity. Oh the stupidity.
What could be cooler than flying nuns and hot wings?
A man who ordered a Grande White Chocolate Mocha at a St. Augustine, Florida Starbucks received the drink with a printed label that read, “DIABETES HERE I COME.” It only has about a gazillion calories…. I thought that would be a helpful safety warning. But……
Jeremiah Smurnisher was thought to be 70 pounds overweight. Turns out it was 60 years of food in his beard.
The customer, shared the photo on Facebook with local news station WJAX-TV in Jacksonville, Florida. He works near the Starbucks and another employee picked up coffees for the staff.
When the customer got his cup he noticed the unusual message on his label. He was not amused. His three sisters are diabetic. They must drink the same thing.
Frieda could do this because she didn’t drink triple choco lotto caramel coconut butter sugar charged coffees with double whipped cream and chocolate chips.
Starbucks corporate headquarters said in a statement that, “Starbucks strives to provide an inclusive and positive experience for our customers, and were disappointed to learn of this incident. We are working directly with the customer to apologize for his experience, and with our employees to ensure this does not happen again.”
Then they had a public whipping. Better now.
They did not mention that many of their drinks are instant fat injections. Seriously folks, several standard (not large like the guyabove) drinks are around 600 calories. That’s similar to a Deluxe Quarter pounder with cheese and bacon or a Premium Mcwrap chicken & ranch, buttermilk crispy.
Apparently Deluxe and Premium means you gonna come to terms with fat shaming……soon.
This would have been appropriate in several places, but it goes here……and watch where you put that stuff!!!
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Organizers of an upcoming comedy festival in New York City are telling straight white males that they can only participate after women, gays, and diverse ethnicity folks are booked. Then they have to pay an entry fee of 77% more than others. Heinous straight white men……
Comedy is supposed to be funny….however, funny is no longer politically correct.
The upcoming Cinder Block Comedy Festival is currently only accepting submissions from women, non-white applicants and members of the LGBTQ community — a move they say is an effort to curate a diverse lineup of performers.
The Cinder Block Comedy festival — run by an all-female staff is the brainfart of Festival Director Amassah Issuez, who drew inspiration for the idea after she was severely injured from being hit by a flying cinder block on the Puslaki Bridge, according to the festival’s website. Clearly, she never recovered. True story.
Apparently she never took these after the cinder block incident.
“Comedy is not about being funny; It’s about being politically correct so nobody laughs”, said Ms Issuez.
Well stupid makes me laugh. Hahahaha!
A Sweet One:
Retired bricklayer and part time fisherman Joao Pereira de Souza, 71, from an island village just outside Rio de Janeiro, discovered a tiny penguin near death on rocks in 2011. Near Death on the Rocks is not a drink made with Tequila by the way.
It’s only safe to kiss strangers……and penguins.
The little penguin was starving and covered in oil but Joao took him in and nursed him back to health, naming the South American Magellanic penguin Dindim. He already had a dog named Midnid.
Shockingly, a few months later, the penguin returned to the island where he recognized his savior and waddled home with him. Bonded.
Today, Dindim spends eight months of the year with Mr de Souza and spends the rest of his time breeding off the coast of Argentina and Chile. So, Dindim is happy four months a year.
Cannot follow that up with a comment here.
It is believed the bird swims around 5,000 miles every time he returns. And people thought it was something to walk a mile for a camel in the old days.
‘I love the penguin like it’s my own child and I believe the penguin loves me,’ Joao said. ‘No one else is allowed to touch him. He pecks them if they do. He lays on my lap, lets me give him showers, allows me to feed him sardines and to pick him up.’
Dimdin like his sardines to brisle.
‘But he wouldn’t leave, he stayed with me for 11 months and then just after he changed his coat with new feathers he disappeared,’ recalled the retired builder. ‘Everyone said he wouldn’t return but he has been coming back to visit me for the past four years.
‘He arrives in June and leaves to go home in February and every year he becomes more affectionate as he appears even happier to see me.’ Last time he brought him chocolates.
“When he sees me, he wags his tail like a dog and honks like a typical driver in New Jersey. I honk and wag in return. Luckily I was blessed with a very small tail” said Joao.
….it was made by Bill Cosby. Hence the facial expression.
Let’s talk about something fun. Rioting or “protests” as pansies call them.
And pansies come in all shapes sizes and colors.
So there was this big rally Trump was going to have in Chicago. People started to file in when about 500 “protesters” decided their need to disrupt a campaign rally superseded the attendee’s free speech and right to peaceful gathering. Constitution be damned.
Aaaaaaand the media pundits agreed. They are pansies too. So are the mealy mouth candidates.
Of course the entire Jell-O spined peanut gallery chimed in. Cue the speaker for the Lollipop Guild…..
Now they smile. Then they fight over the red one…..
With his “dangerous style of leadership,” Trump stokes this anger, meowed Little Marco, “This is what happens when a leading presidential candidate goes around feeding into a narrative of bitterness and anger and frustration.” Not to mention winning.
Kasich echoed Rubio: “Donald Trump has created a toxic environment (that) has allowed his supporters and those who sometimes seek confrontation to come together in violence.” Moral: if you go to a Trump rally, you are asking for it.
Cruz charged Trump with “creating an environment that only encourages this sort of nasty discord,” thus offering absolution to the mob. Ted is God so he can offer absolution.
…..another Obama green project.
It was a time for moral clarity. Instead Trump’s rivals gave us pious puffery that called to mind JFK’s favorite quote from Dante: “The hottest places in hell are reserved for those who in time of moral crisis maintain their neutrality”.
And it’s not that Trump is angelic Mouseketeer. He is a jerk, he is inflammatory, he is running for president and he is winning. All facts.
But Louis Farrakhan leader of the Nation of Islam called upon 10,000 blacks to rise up and kill whites. Not a peep from anybody. No whites storming his mosque. His speech is free I guess.
Apparently this is before immigration was an issue. If you don’t laugh at this one, you’re in trouble.
The Chicago mob was backed by George Soros, his MoveOn.org, Black Lives Matter, Occupy Wall Street, Hispanics, Bernie’s Bois and cop-haters carrying signs to show their contempt for police. The same usual suspects…… except Bernie’s Bois. They are new.
People for Bernie, a pro-Sanders outfit, tweeted, “[This] wasn’t just luck. It took organizers from dozens of organizations and thousands of people to pull off. Great work.”
Now, Sanders did not order this assault on the civil rights of Trump supporters but his supporters were dominant. among those disrupting the place. Hence, he had a duty to disavow this conduct and those who engaged in it. And he did.
Like I’ve always maintained. No matter your politics, Bernie is an honest man that likely smells like your oldest uncle. Dead or alive.
These are prettier than moth balls…….and smaller.
Now this is not saying that Trump isn’t a brash loud mouth caustic jerko turning the political scene upside down. He is all that and more.
But, can you imagine how the media would pile on Trump if working-class white males in Trump T-shirts invaded a comatose gathering of Hillary backers in Chicago and shouted it down with threats and profanities? Then it would be about “white privilege” or some other made up chicanery.
Trump’s “protesters” would be called thugs, get maced and carted off to be jail. Everybody that knows Chicago agrees.
After all, killing people is more popular in Chiraq than Bulls and Black Hawk games. Republicans demonstrating is not allowed.
Wait…..they don’t do that.
I guess the squeaky Tin Man gets the grease….
Think how the networks and cable TV channels that host town halls with the candidates would react if hell-raisers sneaked into their audiences and shouted obscenities during discussions? Hillary would finally cough up that fur ball.
The wailing and gnashing of teeth in the media over the First Amendment would not cease for weeks. If you are old enough, you would have seen this before. I remember.
When urban riots broke out in the ’60s, Hubert Humphrey declared that, if he lived in a ghetto, “I could lead a pretty good riot myself.” Nice liberal HHH.
His running mate was a fresh water fish. Not a perch, but a Muskie.
At the 1968 convention in Chicago, radicals baited and provoked the cops in the front of the Conrad Hilton, their patience exhausted after days of abuse, Chicago’s finest tore into the mob and delivered some street justice.
One could say Nixon was elected because of that mess. Thank you radicals.
Thanks Hubert……and the pansies that help elect him.
That fall, Humphrey was constantly assailed by the same type of haters now disrupting Trump rallies. Everywhere he went, they chanted, “Dump the Hump!” At times, Humphrey came close to tears. Trump has no tears.
Humphrey realized the monster he helped create. He regretted it. Ya think?
My tormentors, he said, are “not just hecklers, but highly disciplined, well-organized agitators … some of them are anarchists, and some of these groups are destroying the Democratic Party and destroying this country.” Just like today.
History does repeat itself. Occasionally it switches sides.
This wouldn’t work so well today….
It was as spontaneous as Benghazi. Yup. Said it.
In 1970, President Nixon sent U.S. troops into Cambodia to clean out Viet Cong sanctuaries students rioted, Ronald Reagan called them “cowardly fascists,” and declared, “If there’s going to be a bloodbath, let it begin here.”
When radicals stomped down Wall Street desecrating our flag, construction workers came down from the building sites they were working and whaled on them. Union workers rocked it.
Union president Peter J. Brennan was soon in the Oval Office – and in Nixon’s Cabinet. “Secretary Bunker,” was his nickname.
Given their “victory” in Chicago, Soros and MoveOn.org and its allied nasties will try to replicate it, again and again. And as Americans came to despise the ’60s radicals, they will come to despise these as well.
The Occupoo people make a mess wherever they go and taxpayers have to foot the clean up bill.
They will harm their cause far more than Trump’s. Their stupidity plays right into his hands. He is a pro at this and they are amateurs.
America has changed from the land we grew up in. Is she ready to allow ugly mobs screaming obscenities at Trump and his folks inside and outside their rallies? Does free speech not exist? Are peaceful gatherings not allowed?
America has never tolerated that and when it does, the country will be in dire straits. Political correctness must not kill our freedoms. For Democrats and Republicans alike.
Oh and please, don’t point to that 72-year-old geezer that gave an innocent “protester” a sissy elbow shot as evidence of Trump rally violence. The protester shouldn’t have been in there in the first place….and it was a weak shot. Nobody was hurt.
Kate should rethink that spelling methinks.
He could carry signs across the street all day and night and protest and nobody would have cared. He didn’t leave when asked and like all the rest, had to be forcibly taken out. Fact.
Note: Intruders like that would have got their heads smashed and bones broken if they tried to shut down a rap concert. But that would be par for the course as they say…..
Nothing is tolerated at a rap concert. Not even cheap hand guns.
With little fanfare and no news media attention, the same radical groups involved in shutting down Donald Trump’s Chicago rally are plotting a mass civil disobedience movement to begin next month. It’s like Ex-Lax for troublemakers. A big movement!
My favorite laxative…..Bile Beans…..charming.
They intend to march across the East Coast in order to spark a “fire that transforms the political climate in America”. A fire greater than three Chipoltle Giant Chalupas can give you.
The group calls itself Democracy Spring, is threatening “drama in Washington” with the “largest civil disobedience action of the century.” The radicals believe this will result in the arrest of thousands of their own activists ….as it should.
“We will demand that Congress listen to the People and take immediate action to save our democracy. And we won’t leave until they do…. or until they send thousands of us to jail,” the website for Democracy Spring declares, channeling rhetoric from the Occupy movement.
Oh, you remember the Occupoo movement don’t you? Greasy, pasty faced kids with their smart phones and pads protesting big business. Oh the irony of stupid.
…..a sailor and his tube of toothpaste go for a ride. Yipee!
The group is backed by numerous organizations like the ones in Chicago, including the George Soros-funded groups MoveOn.org, the Institute for Policy Studies, ACORN remnants, Occupy left odors, BLM, Black Panthers, The Democratic Socialists to name a few.
Democracy Spring chaos is set to begin with a meetup on April 2 at the Liberty Bell in Philadelphia. I hope this sounds odd to you……
“Then, in the spirit of Granny D, the Selma to Montgomery marchers, Cesar Chavez and the farm-worker pilgrimage, and others who walked for freedom, we will set out on a 10 day, 140-mile march from Philadelphia to the Nation’s Capital,” states the website.
Yes children, giant colossal men wore diapers in the old days. Now it’s college students.
In Washington DC, Democracy Spring expects “thousands of Americans” to engage in a “sit-in on the Capitol building in in what will be the largest civil disobedience action of the century.” It will be as successful as Coke Zero.
What do the radicals claim they want? Burning buildings? Free Nikes? Trump’s hairspray? A big screen TV? Everything free? Abortions at Burger King? The answer is simply yes…..and more.
They want a safe place to wet the bed and have somebody change them. Preferably somebody with a job and a family. They need to pay for their success.
Important…….but ignore ISIS genocide.
Despite the fact that many of the main groups endorsing Democracy Spring are funded by billionaire Soros, the group complains that “American elections are dominated by billionaires and big money interests who can spend unlimited sums of money on political campaigns to protect their special interests at the general expense.”
Again, the irony of idiots whose movement is funded by billionaires and big money interests to protest campaigns funded by billionaires and big money interests. Pass me a martini.
One of eacho por favor.
This is just one step away from the looting and burning that took place in Ferguson and elsewhere. Remember….”I stole these Doritos and big screen TV in honor of the kid shot by a cop”??? Just wait.
Same organizers, same people. America beware.
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A Norwegian woman has taken this trans stuff to the next level. A lady named Nano claims she is a cat. She even acts kinda like a cat…… Sorta.
The 20-year-old has opened up about her life as a puss, describing how she has a superior sense of hearing and sight which allows her to hunt mice in the dark. Gluten free ones.
She’s also a health rutabaga. Not a health nut.
Nano and her sister Moisenee
She made the revelation in a YouTube video, which has been viewed over 100,000 times. Nano wears fake ears, a tail and communicates by meowing.
Makes a lot trans racial, gender, age and everything else seem run of the mill. Trans species.
“I realized I was a cat when I was 16 when doctors and psychologists found out what was “the thing” with me. Under my birth there was a genetic defect,” she explains in the video.
It’s a little embarrassing when she goes to the beach. She thinks it’s a giant kitty litter. She cannot visit Arizona. She’s been banned from the state.
She’s dating now. Heels are tricky though.
During my interview, she lets out a hiss and takes a step back. Hissssss.
“There is a dog over there,” she explains. “Sometime I hiss when meeting dogs in the street. It’s because of their behavior and my instinct automatically reacts by hissing.”
When asked if she was born as the wrong species, she said: “Yes, born the wrong species.”
On the other hand, this could be a real family cause to get behind.
What group of persecuted sadlings are gonna adopt Nano as their poster child for animals that are wrongly born human? Certainly there are enough nutcases out there that will think this too is real……
A new LiveLeak video is captivating people around the world, and it’s because of something you can’t even see in it.
Miaopai, a Chinese online channel similar to YouTube, originally posted the video of an elderly man who died while having sex with a prostitute. Apparently they were stuck together, so first responders had to leave the woman on the gurney with the deceased.
Tea for two and two for tea….me for you and for me…….
Though rare, the condition (which will remain nameless here) happened as a result of things happening simultaneously…..and well, they just got worse after he croaked.
Lo Duc Doo died smiling. His love interest had a grin as well……undercover.
Honk, honk. Beep, dead.
They carted the deceased and paramour out in a doubledecker stretcher. Like a London bus.
Did you know that you have taste buds in places you probably don’t want to have them, such as where the sun don’t shine? With this knowledge going number two won’t ever be the same again.
Here is where they normally are…..
However, your “oh-oh” isn’t the only location blessed with extra taste buds. Other strange places on the body are also a taste sensation machine. That is, if you’re one of those that has been blessed with this lovely gift.
A bunch of researchers have discovered why and whom has taste buds in these slightly bizarre locations. So, if you didn’t re-taste yesterday’s dinner this morning, you’re not alone.
Many of the oddly placed taste buds play a role in reproduction, diet and health in general. We won’t go over all the delicious details, but they did find mice that didn’t have certain taste buds in certain areas often did not reproduce or were less active physically.
Cedric is lethargic. Gertie ain’t pleased at all.
So if the love life ain’t what it used to be or you’re feeling a little lethargic……it could be your lack of oddly placed taste buds, Bud.
San Diego officials have walked back a warning to city workers ahead of President’s Day not to drop any F-bombs — as in the phrase “Founding Fathers.”
Is she still called a queen? I dunno.
The traditional reference to America’s patriarchs was an example of “gender biased” language in a city manual. I know……referring to males as men is heinous.
The admonition not to use it was reinforced with verbal orders, according to legal watchdog group, Pacific Justice Institute. (Official branch of the PC Police. Usually they are people that don’t work so they have lotsa time.)
The warning against referring to Washington, Jefferson, Adams and company as “Founding Fathers” first appeared in a section of a city-issued manual titled, “Bias-Free Language.”
She is not part of the PC Police.
Mayor Kevin Faulconer said in a tweet that he put a stop to the matter as soon as he heard about it, ordering the passage removed and the manual scrubbed for any remaining similar examples.
“Suggesting that our Founding Fathers should be referred to as “Founders” is political correctness run amok,” Faulconer tweeted. “We are proud of our nation’s history and there is nothing wrong with referring to the Founding Fathers.”
This is a thingy unit…..made up of a dis, a dat, a do and a don’t.
Yes…to be politically correct and not offend anybody we can no longer use the term father or mother unless they’re used together and include the phrase, “Plus every other person, animal or something real or imagined in the universe”.
I’ve spoken about both party’s establishments being upset by the popularity of Sanders and Trump. I’ve written at length about the establishment of both parties have pulled out all the stops to derail their campaigns.
Feel the Bern….or the itch.
For example, the DNC limiting a few debates to odd hours and days, until Hillary’s numbers tanked. Then all of sudden we have them daily. Then the DNC minions going out and saying it’s sexist not to elect a woman.
The RNC spent hundreds of millions to bash Trump and prop up Jeb, Rubio and next will be Mitt. Wall Street and financial super PACs scrounging for anything to portray Trump as a clown, a traitor, a racist, a phony, a Mafioso, a crook, a liar and last but not least, sexually inadequate.
Party breaker or deal maker?
Well, truth be told, these two people have broadened the base of their parties, engaged the disenfranchised and are being cheated out of the nomination by the party’s Grand Poobahs.
Yes, children those big political bosses think you and I are idiots and cannot make informed decisions. Even now both parties are doing everything possible to give Hillary all the Super delegates which assure her victory. The Right is playing with the rules for the convention to deny Trump the nomination he will surely earn and give it to Romney.
Could this signal the return of Mittens?
Remember you heard it here first or second.
40-year-old Italian Bambinetti Genovese is headed to trial after her 47-year-old husband Tarquino claims she neglected and abused him by not cooking and cleaning enough, and sometimes kicking him out of the bedroom. Badda Bing!
Ima no wanna see you today!
Bambinetti faces two to six years behind bars if convicted of violating an Italian law that “punishes whoever mistreats a person in their family or a person entrusted to them for reasons of education, care or custody.”
Emotional Italians. “Hey where’sa my darna pasta?”
“I geeva you yourza darna pasta rite a cheer!” Goooooooong! Sound of frying pan gong echoes in the distance.
A training device for poor Tarquino….
A 51-year-old Massachusetts man is suing Golden Corral Corporation for 2 million dollars, for false advertising. You see, he was tossed out of one of the chain’s restaurants by the employees recently…….like wilted lettuce, crusty gravy and air dried chicken wings.
A lovely buffet!
Jabba Dahut who lives on welfare and draws disability, was given the heave ho after he then spent more than 7 hours ingesting about 70 pounds of grub. Incidentally, his weight was estimated by witnesses to between 600-900 pounds.
Now this is not fat shaming or anything of the like. If someone weighs a half a ton and eats 70 pounds of food over seven hours they are morbidly obese on purpose. To sue somebody who is running a business and possibly saving their life is wrong.
He sez the place advertised an “all-you-can-eat” buffet, however, the manager of the establishment lost patience at some point, telling him that his meal would be free but asked him to leave. He was repeatedly clearing out several sections of the buffet.
Eat and drink responsibly….. oh yeah….right.
The manager’s offer of a free 70 pounds of food angered and insulted Jabba. After a brief altercation, he was finally pushed out of the restaurant with a bulldozer.
It took him a while to file a complaint. It took one day to get in his car, one day to get out of it, one day to get in his house and one day to dial the phone ….hit nine buttons with his pinkie. He filed a complaint against the restaurant, and intends to make the people responsible for his mistreatment, with a massive lawsuit.
There was a time that obese meant success…..I was simply born in the wrong time.
“It’s a serious injustice, and I am deeply insulted!” Jabba said. “With my income, I rarely go to the restaurant, so I try to get as much as I can for my money when I do. This was the worst experience I have ever had in a restaurant.”
“Not only did they kick me out while I was still hungry, but they looked at me like I was disgusting, like I was not worthy of eating there! It’s unacceptable, and I demand a compensation…… like a deep fried giraffe or a pair of grilled horses……and 2 million dollars.”
That will cover three lunches at Outback Steakhouse. True story.
A New Jersey couple had the surprise of their life after a DNA test proved a pair of lovers were in fact twin 27-year-old brothers. Eeeeeek!
They were not different like carrots and cabbage. They were identical!
Both men took DNA tests after friends and family members urged them because they looked exactly alike and had the same exact birthday. Seriously, nobody in the whole darn family had clue?
If they were eight years old, they could have figured that out after the first meeting by themselves. But perhaps they thought it was……… a coincidence……. or they were simply idiots.
The largest drug seizure in Australia’s history was a bust…..a bigger bust than 46-DD’s. The country’s law enforcement agencies discovered $900 million of worth of methylamphetamine hidden in imported boxes of silicon bra inserts and glue bottles.
This wass really called the Psycho Expander!
Every woman in Australia with “store bought goods” had to wonder….is this why I cannot sleep at night? Yikes.
Four Hong Kong passport holders were arrested in Sydney over the import of 190 gallons of the drug. 190 gallons……that’s like enough stuff for eight Kardashians and half a Jenner.
White college students are undergoing a weekly “deconstructing whiteness” program at Northwestern University in shoot ‘em up Chicago. Apparently it is to make white people less white. Like a Michael Jackson/Rachel Dolezal thingy.
I’m black, I’m white, I dunno, I’m confused.
People work to hard to stir things up……take a nap. And get a life.
Now to be clear, they don’t want the whites to become more black. That would be silly. But it’s simply to help them become less white. This sounds like a course for people that belong in a special place…..with padded rooms.
The “6-part workshop series for undergraduate students who are white” launched in January and runs through March. The course is voluntary. But you will be shunned and not allowed to eat with other students if you don’t take the course. And you have to wear a dunce hat.
Perfect for all occasions.
According to a report in the campus newspaper, the workshops focus on “terminology used in conversations of race, the history and meaning of whiteness, white guilt and the difference between intellectualizing and feeling racism.” Yawn.
Why do people even need labels? Can’t we just be men, women or Americans? Was that really so bad? Wasn’t that less racist, less divisive and well…..not so silly?
But then the PC Police would be out of work and there’s over 100,000,000 working age people in America that don’t work. Maybe we need the PC police working to keep unemployment rate down.
Giggle – chuckle. People are funny!
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A brilliant young immigrant to Germany croaked after attempting to blow up a condom vending machine. He must have thought there were big bucks being made in condom machines.
Kaboom! For your protection.
29-year-old Deerti Dishwatta was brought into hospital with a head injury by two other men who first told doctors their colleague injured himself falling downstairs. But suspicious medical staff called police. They didn’t say why.
Rumor has it that it was the ultra-pleasure ribbed latex pieces and shrapnel buried in his head.
His cohorts finally confessed they tried to blow up the machine and the victim was injured by a piece of flying metal and a plethora of condoms from the blast. He later died of his injuries. Note to self………condoms cannot protect you from everything.
Meanings of words change over time…..
Police reported the idiots ran to their car after lighting the explosives but the feeble minded one forgot to close his door and was hit by debris when the machine exploded. Shrapnel and Rubbers. A new hard rock band?
Police were alerted to the explosion in the town close to the border with the Netherlands, on Christmas Day. They found condom packets and cash lying on the ground, apparently untouched. It was like Bad Santa was there…..
Cash and the Condoms. Now they rock!
I know…..there is one of these stories in almost every blog. Not that I look for them, but they are always in the news of the odd. So, I’m obligated.
A couple in Ecuador is making history by having a baby. The father-to-be is carrying the baby of his wife. Seriously. All their paperwork matches this story.
The guy was a girl and the girl was a guy. The mommy is now the daddy, but will be the mommy eventually. And daddy is now the mommy but will be the daddy eventually.
Fernando Machado and Diane Rodríguez announced their pregnancy, believed to be the first of its kind in South America, on social media earlier this month. It’s received widespread attention in a continent that has seen a sudden explosion in the rights and visibility of trans people.
How do you apply in a twink? I dunno.
Rodríguez, who was born Luis, is a big time LGBT activist and says she and her Venezuelan-born partner, whose birth name was María, decided to publicize the pregnancy to help change attitudes in the staunchly Roman Catholic society. I know….it’s like Abbott and Costello skit.
Although both take hormones, neither has undergone gender-reassignment surgery, so the child-to-be was conceived the old-fashioned way with no known medical complications to date. Yes, kiddies, the man is prego and his wifey poo impregnated him.
The natural way. Full circle. Not judging.
Me…..I”m just staying focused on my face-lift. It works like a pull toy.
This explains a lot of my friends….. almost all of them in fact.
The Schengen Treaty which supported open internal European borders is in shambles. Government sources in Italy announced they are gearing up for a tidal wave of as many as a half million immigrants “in the coming weeks”. And, they will be staying.
Italian authorities fear their worst nightmare is materializing before their eyes: aswaves of immigrants arrive on Italy’s shores. They have no choice but to remain in Italy. And of course, the Pope seems to welcome them so their political leader’s hands are tied.
Six countries— Germany, Austria, Sweden, Norway, Denmark and Slovenia—have suspended the treaty for two years, and others appear ready to follow them. It’s like liberal Europe embraces The Donald’s policies.
The Dutch always look good in hats.
Oh yes, Sweden, Finland and others just announced they will be deporting thousands of illegals soon. Novel idea being concerned about terrorism and all.
With the closure of the Austrian border, the border points are overwhelmed and authorities are expecting migrant tent cities to form. When good weather returns arrivals could increase tenfold.
Here migrants are “borrowing” some items off a truck in Italy.
Italian culture. Going, going…..gone.
How long before they blow this up?
Understand that some are needy. But without proper background checks it’s impossible to keep out terrorists and extremists.
Think of it this way. You’re having a family get together. You have bowl of 100 chips. Only two are poisoned. Do you serve them to your guests or throw them out? How tough is that?
What would you do?
Rumor has it two old bands are gonna reunite for one last grasp for cash. Guns and Roses are gonna hit the circuit and so are the Spice Girls. Both have been out of circulation for about 20 years.
But Political Correctness is messing everything up. Yes, everything.
To tour the US, the Obama Administration insisted the two groups act politically correct. Guns and Roses will have to tour simply as Roses. No guns allowed on premises.
The Spice Girls have to clean it up as well. Spice is a very dangerous synthetic cannabis. A zombie drug.
In order to tour the US, the girls have been mandated to call themselves simply Girls. Now that they have begun to rebrand themselves, some other PC group is calling it demeaning and sexist for women to objectified as just “Girls”.
This spice ain’t yo mamma’s cinnamon!
The LGBTAHIJKLMNOP organizations have given them a tentative go ahead to call themselves “That symbol that Prince used to use”. However, lacking a specific name for the symbol, the group can call themselves Thingies, Whodem? and Whosezat?
Many rappers can go on about about murder, drugs, misogyny, cop killing, rape and anything offensive to people with a brain. There are no PC regs for that. That would be offensive.
Best family photo ever. Middle child Sniffy (not exactly shown) disagreed and grew up resenting his father.
An intensive manhunt took place for three inmates who pulled off a daring escape from a California jail. These sweet dudes have ties to notorious Vietnamese street gangs and Iranian terrorists. Which we love.
Investigators said Jonathan Thieu, 20, Bac Duong, 43, and Hossein Nayeri, 37, escaped from the Orange County Men’s Central Jail and may be armed and dangerous. Ya think? Their records show them to be bloodthirsty animals.
This was from the days when criminals had style and class. Sigh….miss that.
The elaborate escape included cutting through metal vents, crawling through plumbing tunnels, climbing a roof and rappelling four stories to freedom.
B-b-b-b-b-but if we keep the bad guys in prison, who will be left to commit crimes?
Oh yes, they were assisted by a lovely lady …… Iranian-born Nooshafarin Ravaghi, 44, a contracted English teacher who grew close to inmate Hossein Nayeri, 37….. the one with terrorist ties.
Nothing to see behind the curtain folks. Oh yes, and don’t profile. Luckily, they got caught…..but they could be freed like the terrorists we released from Guantanamo.
Bernie Sanders is getting some support from the founders of Ben & Jerry’s ice cream. He’s getting his very own flavor. And no, the flavor’s not called, “The Old Guy That Smells Like Moth Balls”.
Not the best flavor.
Ben Cohen, a Sanders supporter, announced the new flavor he’s created as “Bernie’s Yearning.” The name was more marketable than “Socialist Surprise”.
“Jerry and I have been constituents of Bernie Sanders for the last 30 years,” Cohen says on the official site for the product. “We’ve seen him in action and we believe in him.
As a result, Cohen dreamed up “Bernie’s Yearning”. It’s plain mint ice cream with a disc of chocolate at the top. The mock-up carton explains that the disc represents the economic gains that have gone to the wealthiest 1 percent since the recession. “Beneath it, the rest of us,” it says.
Actually, you buy it, take one bite then the government takes it away and gives it to other people. It’s more of a system than a dessert…….
Finally…..a way to eat Cream of Yuck.
This ain’t the first time Ben or Jerry jumped into politics. In June, the company renamed their “Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough” flavor “I Dough, I Dough” in celebration of the Supreme Court decision legalizing gay marriage.
In Baghdad, ten gallons of “I Dough, I Dough” were thrown off roof tops in protest.
Artist Michael Zajkov has created some unbelievably realistic female dolls/models. Some say they’re kinda creepy. Creepy or not, they’re remarkable.
Not everyone is perfect though…..
With names like Ulyana, Natalia and Sophia they look unnaturally lifelike. They even stare with foreign accents.
Their old fashion peasant dresses make them seem different from humans today. Different, like when Gaga wore the meat dress. Only this is more subdued……like chicken.
Zajkov shares the near human dolls with more than 71,000 followers. Their tiny fingers and nails, the little upturn in noses and slightly-parted lips are crazy real. Even the skin texture and color is amazing.
Incredible. Here is a link to see more: https://youtu.be/r1RN-orMWEw
His training came from graduate school where he studied sculpting for puppet theater after earning a degree at Kuban State University of Russia. Okay, the strangest part of this story is they guy did graduate work in puppet theater.
He should go into politics. More puppet theater!
Some people say they are just old puppets. I say they’re just old politicians.
Okay, we all know that the orange man with the funny hair had made secure borders and illegal immigration into the US a hot topic. Now everybody has jumped on the Trumpmobile regarding immigration.
Yet, passengers arriving at Kennedy Airport on an international flight were allowed to exit the busy hub without going through Customs…..for the second time in recent months! Seriously.
Milo Tonnda walked right through Customs while his daughter Lizbeth distract TSA employees with her “Elephant bridge”.
Bumbling airline and security officials let travelers on American Airlines Flight 1223 from Cancun, Mexico, out of the airport recently without having their passports or bags checked.
Travelers were furious that they ditched the locally purchased pot prior to boarding. It was good stuff and cheap too.
The security lapse was similar to an incident involving another American Airlines flight a few months ago. But who’s counting?
….in fact the TSA agents were busy celebrating Anita Nuther-Beer’s birthday.
“It’s absolutely absurd,” said one angry passenger. “To think that anyone could be walking off of that plane and right into the city. They could be terrorists, rapists……or worse, Kanye West.”
….or it could be old widows and three year old orphans. It’s hard for me to believe that this insanity goes on every day in this nation where anybody can wander in and nothing is done about it.
Well, we do offer them welfare, social security, free housing, tax breaks, photo ID, voting help and free medical.
Someday we will be equally caring for our own homeless and our Vets. But not now……. Not important enough.
Yes, this is how a generation was sold! Smoking actually protected your throat……
If you are old enough to remember this……Uneeda set of reading glasses!
A news story that made the rounds in the web came out of Greenville, NC. It’s just one example of what some people will do around the holidays when they are short on cash. A 34-year-old mother of 3 is now under arrest after a shoplifting incident turned tragic.
Witnesses say Marabelle Greene entered a local Walmart with her three children ages 5, 7, and 8 when she grabbed a can of pre-made Christmas cookie dough. CCTV footage shows the young mother take the can to the toy aisle as her children crowded around her. Greene then lifted up her skirt and made the can of cookie dough “disappear.” Like magic.
I guess it’s easier to train a dog when you wear a clown costume.
When approached by Walmart security, she told her children to go find their Aunt in the front of the store. “I told her to hand over the cookie dough,” said Timothy Reiner, a security guard at Walmart. “That’s when she turned around to run and I grabbed her by the arm. She put up a good fight, and that’s when I tackled her to the ground.“
“Then I heard a loud pop and the lady started screaming. Chocolate chip cookie dough was running down her leg. I swore off cookies then and there.”
Look out Granny, it’s anchovies!
According to eyewitnesses, the EMT that treated Greene on the scene said the Pillsbury cookie dough can exploded in Greene’s hoo haa during the fall causing her extreme pain. They removed the contents at the scene. Clean up…….Aisle 5.
Fortunately, nothing about this article turned out to be true. It made the rounds on the internet but was actually a hoax. But please don’t be disappointed……it’s still a lovely story.
Actually the story isn’t even original but rather a crude take-off of an old urban legend about a female (blond) shopper who mistakenly believes she was shot in the head after a can of biscuits explodes in the back seat of her hot car and hit her head……she thought it was a gunshot.
She thought the biscuit dough was her brains. There was even a back and forth story with the 911 operator. It was cute.
This is not Darth Vader. Do not be fooled by the black helmet!
MSNBC host Melissa Harris-Perry lamented the racist implications of Star Wars villain Darth Vader, who she said was “totally a black guy” while he was “cutting off white men’s hands” until he suddenly became a white guy after being reformed by his son. Know up front that Melissa is only one shingle short of being a complete nut house.
The comments came during a discussion about the movie smash Star Wars: The Force Awakens. Melissa began by pointing out the sexism of Princess Leia’s slave costume (Disney is pulling all the “Slave Leia” merchandise, by the way).
You know folks, when it gets to the point Princess Leia cannot be herself because it offends people, we are doomed. And she’ll need a shrink.
This is not a Princess. It’s a Queen.
“I know why I have feelings—good, bad, and otherwise—about Star Wars. And I have a lot. I could spend the whole day talking about the whole Darth Vader situation,” she said.
After being prompted by a guest panelist, the host launched into a rant about the racial implications of “black guy” Vader. Here’s your quote:
“Yeah, like, the part where he was totally a black guy whose name basically was James Earl Jones, who … while he was black, he was terrible and bad and awful and used to cut off white men’s hands—and didn’t, you know, actually claim his son,” said Harris-Perry.
Just because they are both wearing boxing gloves, it does not mean they are related.
“But as soon as he claims his son and goes over to the good, he takes off his mask and he is white. Yes, I have many, many feelings about that, but I will try to put them over here,” she said magnanimously. So this is a bad review of the movie I guess.
Perhaps she forgot that Luke was white and most likely his dad might be as well. But don’t confuse Melissa with logic. That would racist, or sexist, or ageist, or something. Maybe she just has a bad case of smartaphobia…..which is an unrelenting aversion to knowledge or reason.
Clowns can be as scary and as nutty as a newscaster.
So you think you had a bad day……well, Matthew Riggins, 22, is suspected to have been committing a string of burglaries in Brevard County Florida with an accomplice recently. Police spotted Riggins and the accomplice the next morning, but the two escaped on foot.
These are cute and sweet ones…..
Police searching the area reported hearing yelling but were unable to determine the source that night. Ten days later, Riggins’ remains were found floating in Barefoot Bay lake.
Dive team members encountered an 11-foot alligator behaving aggressively while recovering the body. Authorities called in a trapper to capture the alligator, which they had euthanized.
After conducting a forensic examination, remains consistent with the injuries to Riggins showed inside the alligator’s stomach. Like his leg was gone and it was in the old Alli’s belly. Compete with shoe…..a Nike.
Apparently Mr Riggins took this invite too seriously.
Police believe Riggins was attacked by the 11-foot gator while hiding from authorities in the lake. I think so too.
Forget being transgender like Caitlyn Jenner or transracial like Rachel Dolezal, there’s a new “trans” frontier: people who are transage. In an interview with the news agency, Stefonknee (formerly Paul) Wolscht details his struggles with being a male-to-female transgender person. But……there is more.
There are so many new ways to improve your appearance without surgery……
The more part is that Wolscht thinks he is actually a six-year-old girl—not a woman, but a six-year-old girl—stuck in the body of a 50-year-old linebacker.
Wolscht deserted his wife and his seven children a few years back to live his “true” life. “There’s days I forget my past,” Wolscht says. “I can actually go a week without even thinking about what was before. Fortunately, he’s only 6’2” and 275 pounds so he can pass as a six-year-old girl. Easy squeezy.
“I can’t deny I was married. I can’t deny I have children,” Wolscht admits. “But I’ve moved forward now and I’ve gone back to being a child. I don’t want to be an adult right now and I just live my life like I couldn’t when I was in school.” Wolscht is not speaking in an abstract sense.
He actually wants to be a child. Who doesn’t?
He explains, “Well, I have a new mummy and a daddy who are totally comfortable with me being a little girl. And their children, and their grandchildren, are totally supportive. In fact, her youngest granddaughter… When I was eight. A year ago, I was eight, and she was seven. And she said to me, ‘I want you to be the little sister, so I’ll be nine.’ I said, ‘Well, I don’t mind going to six.’ So I’ve been six ever since.”
“We have a great time. We color, we do kids’ stuff. It’s called play therapy. No medication, no suicide thoughts. And I just get to play,” Wolscht says.
It doesn’t cure bizarre or transgenerageism stuff.
Does anybody else think his new mummy and daddy are a little off too? Now their giant six-year-old daughter needs a baby sitter to watch her whenever they go out. I never cease to be shocked.
Pablo Emilio Escobar Gaviria (December 1, 1949 – December 2, 1993) was a notorious Colombian drug lord who at the height of his career, supplied about 80% of the cocaine smuggled into the US.
….a few odds and ends….
Known as “The King of Cocaine”, he was the wealthiest criminal in history, with an estimated known net worth of $30 billion by the early 1990s, and approximately $50 billion when you included money that was buried in different areas of Colombia.
At the height of its power, Pablo Escobar’s drug cartel was smuggling fifteen tons of cocaine (worth more than half a billion dollars) into the United States every single day. He made so much money that he had to spend $1000 per week purchasing rubber bands to wrap the stacks of cash.
Pablo had so much money that he could not possibly spend it all. He had over 800 luxury mansions all over Colombia, owned football teams, he gave away billions of dollars to help build hospitals, schools, work programs and even rebuilt entire ghettos for the poverty stricken people of Colombia. Like Robin Hoodlum.
It’s flour they said…..
Even with all that going on, he still had too much cash to hide. So he started to bury it all over Colombia. The location of each money pit was known by only Pablo and his three closest associates.
When Pablo was finally killed, the location of many of these money pits died with him. The CIA estimates there to be about 100 of these money pits that have yet to be discovered, each containing between five hundred million to one billion dollars.
Now that’s a money pit!
Fast forward to today. Meet Jose Mariena Cartolos, a 65-year-old farmer who recently received a $3000 grant from the Colombian government to help him start a palm oil plantation on land that has been in his family for over 200 years. Lucky him!
While digging the irrigation trench for the plantation, Jose discovered something big beneath his feet. After further excavation, Jose discovered several large blue containers with something incredible inside.
Money, not just a few hundred dollars, not even a million dollars, heck not even 100 million dollars. This 65-year-old farmer with nothing but the shirt on his back had managed to find one of Pablo Escobar’s money pit’s containing a whopping $600,000,000 American dollars. Yup that’s right, six hundred million dollars. Lottery!
Pablo had a nice smile and billions and billions. Who wouldn’t smile?
It’s not clear what will happen to the money now, but many speculate that Cartolos will not be able to keep the money and it will most likely remain in Colombia and be used to fund social and economic programs that help those in poverty. Bummarito!
This news will most likely create a modern day “Gold Rush” as people flock to the Colombian countryside with echo sounders and all kinds of scanning equipment, searching for more of Pablo Escobar’s hidden money pits. Only they will keep their yappers shut.
This time keep it a secret Isabella!
Remember when I lived in Arabia?
Sometimes hypocrisy is so deeply embedded in one’s agenda that it quite literally knows no boundaries. After Saudi billionaire Prince Alwaleed bin Talal called presidential candidate Donald Trump out on Twitter for supporting “racist” measures against Muslim migrants, he never thought his own dark secret would be exposed by Trump. Of course…….
Talal (a big Clinton donor) got into a heated and laughable argument when he accused Trump of being a “disgrace” by defying the pending flood of Muslim refugees to the U.S. Oh that’s terrible!
If I don’t win the Iowa caucuses, I am selling the prince the entire state.
It didn’t take Trump long to fire back with one of his signature insults. He does that.
Pointing out not only the hypocrisy of the billionaire Muslim tyrant, he proved in less than 40 characters that the left’s “refugees” are too dangerous for any country to accept.
The Jerusalem Post reports that Saudi Arabia, home to a massive tent city in Mecca that can comfortably house more than 3 million, is constructing a “Great Wall” to keep out terrorists, migrants, and wouldn’t you know…….those pesky refugees. Proposed in 2006, the wall includes five layers of fencing, watch towers, night-vision lookouts, radar cameras, and Saudi troops along the country’s northern border with Iraq. Not as pretty as the one Donald plans.
A small perspective on some of the available facilities.
Even the devout Muslim Saudi prince doesn’t want these poor fellow Muslim refugees in his country. Why? Because they are not refugees. They are terrorists.
They know it. We ignore it……
Finally, a personal thought. It is amazing that the establishment Republicans and Democrats are flipping out over Trump and Sanders. They don’t want them to be the nominees at any cost. Apparently the voters think different.
Got my gun permit yesterday and went over to Wal-Mart to buy a small 9mm handgun for home protection. When I was ready to pay by credit card for the gun and bullets, the cashier said, “Strip down, facing me.”
I knew the gun laws are always changing. This caught me off guard and I’m not shy…..but it did seem strange. Nevertheless.
I made a mental note to complain to the NRA about the new gun control regulations running amok and I did as she had instructed. I got down to my tattoos and dry skin right there facing Shelley……..the assistant manager. Lovely girl. Freckles, glasses, and a pony tail.
When the hysterical shrieking and yelling subsided, I found out she was referring to how I should place my credit card in the card reader. By the way…….a credit card does not cover very much.
I’ve been asked to shop elsewhere in the future………they need to make their instructions to seniors a little clearer.
To look and feel fat and healthy!
Homegrown and imported terrorist couple Syed Rizwan Farook, 28, and Tashfeen Malik, 27, were killed in a gun battle with police in San Bernardino after a mass shooting at a conference center. Why?
Farook worked for the county for five years before he traveled to Saudi Arabia last year and returned with a wife – then they had a baby. He wrote in an online profile on a Muslim dating site six years prior that he enjoys doing target practice in his backyard…..where everybody else goes shooting. She was already radicalized when she got here.
Farook, a graduate of Cal State San Bernardino, and his wife left their six-month-old baby daughter with his mother in Redlands, California, telling her they were going for a doctor’s appointment. Rumors are swirling that the mother knew something……
Then there’s the mother…..
Instead of holding her baby in her arms and loving the child, she decided it was better to kill a bunch of people for Allah. Does she also get 72 virgins?
Murdering non-muslims for their cause was more important than raising their child. Remember that when you think there’s no threat, it’s contained and they are the JV. Radicals corrupt the most surprising individuals.
14 died and 21 were wounded after suspects opened fire at the Inland Regional Center. They wore black tactical vests and had two handguns and two assault rifles – all legally purchased in US within the past four years under very strict gun laws.
Farook had attended the holiday party but ‘left’ angry, according to police, and later returned with his wife to carry out the massacre……
They left three explosive devices rigged to a remote-controlled toy car inside at the Inland Regional Center before fleeing in an SUV. They had pipe bombs and all types of goodies. Anybody says this was not 100% planned is kidding themselves.
Police and federal agents searched a home in Redlands associated with Farook’s family Thursday, seizing 5,000 bullets, 12 pipe bombs and tools to make IEDs. Even some Boston Bomber type equipment.
Of course, his mother who also lived with the couple was questioned then disappeared, there was also $28,000 recently deposited in his account, his buddy that got him the rifles checked himself into a mental hospital the day of the killings…….the oddities go on and on.
President Obama said in a statement from the Oval Office it is possible the massacre in San Bernardino was related to terrorism, but it’s also possible it was workplace-related.
This is workplace violence……when the hot cheese sauce for nachos won’t come out.
Looking at that list of stuff they had, it was too well planned for workplace violence. But that’s only one opinion. And, it’s the right one.
Recently I interviewed ISIS spokesman Aljagor Burnasandarz about his vision for ISIS. He told me it’s horrible that Obama keeps saying that Climate Change is the biggest threat to America’s existence. Downright hateful.
He was so angry about this he was literally foaming at the mouth. “That’s not acceptable!” he exclaims. “We are ISIS and we want to be known as the biggest threat to humanity! Recognize us for the chaos in Paris, San Bernardino and the world! We are working hard at this!”
In fact, on behalf of the Islamic State, Bernasandarz officially filed documents with the Internal Revenue Service changing their name to”Climate Change’ in the hopes that Obama would actually pay attention to them and take them seriously.
Aljagor Burnasandarz is mad his group is not being properly recognized…….
“We are suicide bombers, mass murderers and rapists. We want to die for our cause and Obama is ignoring us.” claimed one ISIS fighter.“What do we need to do? ……wear Donald Trump ties to be both feared and hated?”
When I asked if this ploy is unsuccessful, Bernasandarz said, “President Obama needs to know that we will change our name as many times as we need to so we can get the recognition we deserve. He cannot ignore us or call us the JV team forever! He must stop treating us like three-year-old orphans and widows. He insults us with this “workplace violence” nonsense.”
He told me, “Just this morning I ordered my second in command to explore other naming options in case Obama still ignores us after being renamed Climate Change. We are keeping “Police Brutality”, “White Privilege”, “Racial Microagressions”, and “Republicans” on the short list of possible names that Obama should recognize and detest!”
After this interview I left for lunch and read on line that Russia, France and England were bombing the daylights out of Climate Change. Climate Change is finally being recognized as the greatest threat to humanity.
The DMV gives written driver’s written tests in about 30 plus different languages. All our street signs are in English. Yes, that is very dumb!
The deadly terror attacks in Paris killed over 130, but to the Black Lives Matter movement and at the University of Missouri, it’s all about them. Heyyyyy, we wanna have the spotlight. Looky, looky, we are crying and yelling and stuff!!
Student protests and outrage over the school’s handling of reported racial issues has brought national attention to the school. These incidents led to protests including one student’s hunger strike and a threatened boycott by the football team. The university system president and the campus chancellor resigned.
Also, many of the claims were proven to be false or misleading. But who cares when you can get paid to hang out with college kids and convince them they have problems? Did you see how old some of those suckers were? Seriously……one guy needed a walker.
After all those people were killed in coordinated attacks in Paris, several protesters took to Twitter to express anger at “losing the spotlight” in the media. I know….I nearly garfed too.
“Racist white people kill me, you want everyone to have sympathy for YOUR tragedy, but you have none for ours,” wrote user Melanin Monroe under the Twitter handle @NeonElectricity in a post that has since been removed. Tragically, that person is a moron.
Yes, America, we have raised kiddies that want to be segregated in safe places and feel their plight is the equivalent to the slaughter in Paris. Anybody else notice that some of these “kids” look over 40 and sound just like the Occupy crowd, CAIR, Muslim Brotherhood and the adult Ferguson protesters that were bused in?
I can just see the year for book for 2015. Every single photo is a crying baby or some 45-year-old goat wearing shades and carrying a sad sign……
This is the product of the educational system where everybody gets a trophy and nobody can get a boo boo on their wittle baby feewings cuz reality is mean. Somebody or something is hijacking our young people’s minds. If you don’t see it, you’re blind from video games……or dating sites.
China is abolishing its one-child limit because there aren’t enough babies. In fact, some Chinese factories have been forced to hire adults.
What some say…….What is unfolding with these refugees and migrants is called Hijra, otherwise known as immigration jihad. It is written in the Quran and is a powerful strategy the Islamic world has used for many centuries to overwhelm nations and assert dominance.
French Counter-terrorism Forces raided 2,235 homes, seize 334 Weapons, Arrest 232 Suspects since the Paris attacks. Why didn’t they do that before?
It’s called being tolerant. Politically correct. Stupid. Possibly dead. Is it smart to wait until your attacked? Not sure.
Now what is the US going to do after this act of terrorism from home grown foreign influenced killers? We know of over 50 terrorist training camps in the US. We know which mosques preach jihad. We know who has over extended visas. We know where the bad guys are. Tough question.
Notice, they only attack gun free zones? Just an observation.
Funny Hungarian sausage ad!
The legalization of same-sex marriage has given way to a new problem for a Pennsylvania couple, who technically are father and son. The perfect subject to discuss over holiday din-din with Auntie Virginia.
The Tums of motor oils…..
Before states began striking down bans on same-sex marriage and the Supreme Court ultimately decided the issue nationwide, some gay couples used adoption laws as a way to gain legal recognition as a family. Then they had benefits such as inheritance and hospital visitation rights.
So, Nino Kapino, a retired ballplayer, vegetable farmer and suit maker adopted his partner Rollie Dollie, also a retired ballplayer and Fuller Brush salesman in 2012, after more than 40 years of being a couple. Okay.
Oddly enough Kapino and Dollie met while playing on traveling baseball teams.
Now, they’re trying to undo the adoption to get married and a state trial court judge has rejected their request, saying his ability to annul adoptions is generally limited to instances of fraud.
The adoption “gave us the most legitimate thing available to us” at the time, said Dollie, 68. Now they can get married and have those rights…….but.
The adoption process Kapino and Dollie went through was not uncommon. Now those couples seek to marry, but first they must confront state adoption laws that provide no easy path to annulment.
Nino’s Smoking Pea clothing ads were world famous. Odd, but famous.
Judge Pattie O’ Furnichure, of the Court of Common Pleas of Allegheny County, ruled against the couple. She noted that the primary purpose of the adoption was to reduce the Pennsylvania inheritance tax payable upon the death of one of the men from 15% to 4%, “as the two men would now be in a parent-child relationship instead of a third party relationship.”
O’Furnichure said she was “sensitive to the situation” but noted that despite the fact Kapino and Dollie desire to marry, “they cannot do so because they are legally father and son.”
Luckily, as a result of several marriages and adoptions, I am my own grandpa, brother, step dad and uncle…….I get many gifts from myself at Christmas.
Seems like they don’t make the good stuff anymore.
The new hot selling Moschino Barbie is a huge hit and its commercial is breaking boundaries by featuring a young boy in it. Buh-bye GI Joe.
“Moschino Barbie is so fierce!” the boy screams as he and two female friends love the doll, all glammed up in designer leather. Barbie’s cell phone goes off and the boy says, “It’s for you, Moschino Barbie,” before winking at the camera.
The strict gender lines of toys and children’s accessories have slowly been breaking down, with stores moving to make its signage more gender-neutral. Times they are a changing.
I try to understand some of this trending stuff. Try not judge other people. But when it comes to kids, this stuff is perplexing……just sayin’.
I hope they have a good life. Gotta be tough.
Leading from behind just means you’re smelling…ummm…well, um….uh…..behind.
Our dear pumpkins…..bad, bad, bad.
The EPA and the Administration are going all out to regulate everything so we dummies can’t have any fun! Now they wanna take away our Halloween pumpkins!
They say it’s because pumpkins unleash greenhouse gasses and cause global warming in landfills but really, a very specific interest group is offended.
Yes, that holiday squash goes into a land fill and ruins the entire world. However, some say the gas story line is just the excuse to condemn those dirrrrrrty jack-o-lanterns. They now offend people’s beliefs……of course.
This would offend anybody’s religion and it must end!
But what to do with all those jack-o-lanterns? Eat ’em? Then we would produce the methane gas and the EPA would regulate our ???????
Political correctness or as I prefer to call it political correct-mess has hit old Mother Nature herself. One of Britain’s oldest trees has begun to change its gender…..kinda. It’s even asking for a special bathroom. And a safe space.
There was a time when “It wasn’t nice to fool Mother Nature…..now it’s cool.
A Fortingall yew in Perthshire, Scotland, is thought to be anywhere from 2,000 to 5,000 years old has always been identified as a male tree. Max Coleman with the Royal Botanic Garden of Edinburgh wrote he had observed red berries on the historic tree, indicating that it switched to have some female parts.
In the Fortingall Yew it seems that one small branch has switched and now behaves as female. So it’s on trend. It’s changing….. but only a wee bit.
The Yew. You cannot say it’s pretty or handsome. The PC police will getcha!
The old tree gets three berries and now headlines read, “The yew is now a ewe so let’s feature you on the cover Trees Today”. Then they will start pruning it to complete the transformation. Just don’t touch the trunk!
Mr. Peacock may think he’s special, but he is just another farm animal like the rest of us.
Recently, in Jefferson Circuit Court of Louisville, KY, jury selection for a trial was underway. After looking over the jurors agreed to by both the prosecution and defense Judge Olu Stevens dismissed all the jurors……because they were white.
This was done over the objections of both the sides…..yes, both sides. You see the judge said the accused was black and the jurors were not. He wanted the accused to have a jury of his peers according to the law.
Would this be called racist if the tables were turned? The answer is “Of course!” But logic and fairness has no place in America with this idiotic PC crowd running the show.
When you are blind to color you are not racist. When people are judged by who they are and what they do, you are not racist. Here people were judged by the judge not to be honest or fair because of the color of their skin. And that’s a fact.
But that’s only one opinion. But it is correctomundo!
Who else missed this movie?
Comes in handy when you take the kids to a restaurant too!
Suggestion to help close wage gap. Step one: Change your major from new age yoga dance therapy to electrical engineering. Just a thought……
One minute. Amazing.
Speaking of the rabid PC police being in charge…..let’s just highlighting some of the obvious, because a stick in the eye is more pleasant if one end is in your hand. And it is.
How is it a Christian bakery is shut down and fined $135,000 for not baking a cake for a gay wedding and dozens of Muslim bakeries are caught on film refusing to bake cakes for gay weddings? Wondering?
Weeeell, let me splain it to you Lucy. Those bakeries were caught on camera and posted on Youtube. They were not caught by a bonafide gay couple looking to destroy a family’s livelihood. Big difference.
Plus the gays are afraid they may have to fly off a roof if they anger the wrong baker. Now….. it’s out there.
I was kidding about the caaaaaaaaake!
Why do people leave the least tolerant countries in the world to come to the west and try to turn those countries into the same toilet they left? This rigid intolerance of everything is exactly what they left behind in their former countries.
Remember, the changing of the culture of Europe to Europistan is only a short flight from our shores. Refugees have now been greatly overtaken by migrants looking for everything the West has and then deciding what they will take away from citizens. Leaders acquiesce. Weakness is politically correct.
If this offends you, please check out the European media. It is more fair and less censored than ours. The public in many European countries are infuriated over this “invasion” as they term it. Countries are closing borders, demonstrations and violence are everywhere.
I know…..it’s hard to digest the truth when it’s not sugar coated by appropriate political correct-mess.
Do you think contemporary art is trash? Some people in Bolzano, Italy, certainly did so.
After seeing an “art installation” at the Museion gallery, the janitors thought they needed to roll up their sleeves and clean up all the “garbage” someone left behind. The art installation looked like the aftermath of a party room with empty bottles scattered around, confetti everywhere and a hanging sign that reads “Tutti Assolti” (everyone absolved).
The art piece by Milanese artists Goldschmied & Chiari was entitled as “Where are we going to dance tonight?” and the gallery described it as the perfect metaphor for the 1980’s. Unfortunately for the artists, they found their installation in the trash the next day.
It took two whole days to recreate the messterpiece. The gallery added a sign announcing that the artwork is now ready to be viewed again. You didn’t know by looking at the mess.
It’s not as nice as the Sistine Chapel. That took time…..and skill. But Tutti Assolti!
United Nations scientists are claiming that higher concentrations of carbon dioxide are not only heating the planet, they’re making people dumber. Well, that explains much of this silly college activism and grid lock in DC!
A new study by the Harvard School of Public Health claims “carbon dioxide (CO2) has a direct and negative impact on human cognition and decision-making,” according to ThinkProgress, a left-wing advocacy website. Yes kiddos – breathing now makes you stupid.
Former Vice President Al Gore wasted no time tweeting out ThinkProgress’ in-depth article, trying to link higher carbon dioxide levels to lower cognition in humans. He was tweeting from his carbon dioxide chamber in one of his many mansions.
The Pentagon is sending very sophisticated F-15C fighter jets —to fight the ISIS war. But these jets only have air-to-air weapons, and ISIS has no planes. Could this mean the real adversary is Russia? Dunno.
And we have troops on the ground in Syria and Iraq. So, the question that should be asked is…….”What are we doing there?”
I dunno…….neither does anybody else. Even people in DC.
MSNBC’s journalism hostess with leastest, Melissa Harris-Perry has said the term ‘hard worker’ should not be used because it’s a racist term…..to her. Perhaps the lightest featherweight of journalists made this declaration interviewing Alfonso Aguilar, executive director of the American Principle Project’s Latino Partnership. Yes, a Hispanic triggered an aggressive doo datty with Melissa.
They were talking about whether Wisconsin Representative Paul Ryan is a good choice for Speaker of the House. When Aguilar used the term ‘hard worker’ to describe Ryan, a Republican, Harris-Perry reacted like she was choking on a chicken bone.
He said, ‘If there’s somebody who is a hard worker when he goes to Washington, it’s Paul Ryan,’ Aguilar said. Harris-Perry agreed with his sentiment, but had a huge problem with panelist’s term. Melissa seized up, gasped, choked, wheezed and passed gas.
She told him: ‘Alfonso, I feel you, but I just wanna pause on one thing. ‘I want us to be super careful when we use the language ‘hard worker’ because I actually keep an image of folks working in cotton fields on my office wall because it is a reminder about what hard work looks like,’ she said.
She added: ‘I feel that he’s a hard worker, I do, but in the context of relative white privilege” (of course). She then proceeded with the usual victim buffalo biscuit babbelony and poor Alfonso realized he was talking to Daffy Duck’s demented sister. The one with more names than marbles.
Yup…..”hard work” is now racist. Even at double the minimum wage!
And along those lines…….Mike Rowe, host of CNN’s Somebody’s Gotta Do It and Discovery Channel’s Dirty Jobs, responded to those comments by MSNBC’ Melissa Harris-Perry, where she was offended by a Hispanic guest’s use of the term “hard worker.”.
Asked for his thoughts on Harris-Perry’s offense, Rowe begins by noting, “that there is no longer a limit to what people can be offended by.”
“First of all, slavery is not “hard work;” it’s forced labor. There’s a big difference. Likewise, slaves are not workers; they are by definition, property. They have no freedom, no hope, and no rights.
Yes, they work hard, obviously. But there can be no “work ethic” among slaves, because the slave has no choice in the matter.
Workers on the other hand, have free will. They are free to work as hard as they wish. Or not. The choice is theirs. And their decision to work hard, or not, is not a function of compliance or coercion; it’s a reflection of character and ambition.”
For years many different foods have been considered aphrodisiacs, but the powers of oyster and chocolates pale in significance when compared to a mysterious magical mushroom found in Hawaii. Ready???????
Complete with a common fly.
The shroom is a bright orange capped mushroom that grows on volcanic slopes has long been rumored to possess potent properties. That’s potent, not impotent, but important.
Researchers have discovered the ‘fetid odor’ of the fungus can trigger spontaneous giant “O’s” in females. Fetid = Stinks like craaaaazy.
What’s that horrible smell? Um, ah, oh, mmmmm. Yeehaw! Here….smell this! Aaaaaoooooooogaaaaaaaa!
It belongs to the genus Dictyophora, a family of mushrooms that bear distinctive net-like heads also known as the netted stinkhorn. By the way, the species is called Phallus indusiatus. Honestly….real names. Who could make all that up?
In a study, published in the International Journal of Medicinal Mushrooms in 2001, John Holliday of Next Laboratories in Kula, Hawaii and Noah Soule of Aloha Medicinals tested the mushroom’s aphrodisiac effect. Nice work!
In a small experiment involving 16 women and 20 men, volunteers were asked to sniff the mushroom, which is said to have a ‘fetid odor’. I know…..it’s an underused word. Fetid. It smelled kinda like poo…….however…….
Vintage ads are the very best!!!!!
Its smell triggered spontaneous orgasms in six of the women, while the other 10, who received smaller doses, experienced an increase in heart rate, Fact checking organization Snopes.com confirmed the study. So there. The men watched football, drank beer and thought the stench was coming from their sneakers.
“These results suggest that the hormone like compounds present in the volatile portion of the spore mass may have some similarity to human neurotransmitters during sexual encounters.”
Additional studies are planned. 87,359 women showed up as volunteers. They even held a parade.
Finally, in local news, The University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee is offering “voice feminization therapy” for male students claiming to be transgender women. You just have to claim to be to take this accredited course.
Somehow this old ad fit……
As part of the university’s “Transitioning at UWM” resource, the university encourages students to utilize “voice feminization therapy for male-to-female transgender clients” offered by the UWM Speech and Language Clinic, which claims to treat “voice disorders in adults and children.”
Michelle Johnson, the Media Content Manager at UWM, told Campus Reform that the school provides the voice feminization therapy “in compliance with nondiscrimination policies established by the university and the American Speech Language Hearing Association.” Eye roll goes here.
These help achieve that sexy Bea Arther voice. Note: Not recommended for children under 6!
A college course. That education should be free…..